Suburbia

Today marked the conclusion of Missions week here at the WU. But before I go into detail about the chapel services, let me tell you about the week in general.

Monday night, the snow started. Now, I've seen my fare share of snow in my life but wow, this was a doozy. They canceled school (yes, college) on Tuesday AND Wednesday. There was basically a blizzard for 2 days. We got about 15 inches and students are still digging their cars out of about 3 feet of snow graciously piled up behind bumpers by the snow plows. While I welcome any chance to get out of class, the snow caused some issues for Missions week.

I was in charge of worship and since all the academic buildings were closed, I had to pull some strings (and walk 4 blocks in a blizzard since the county issued a Level 2 travel restriction-no cars on the road for 2 days...or else!) in order to practice with the band. Then, chapel on Wednesday was made voluntary (which was absolutely amazing, by the way). Why is it that when the mandate of chapel is taken away it gets so much better? Instead of having 3,000 in attendance, you have 100 people who truly want to be there to worship our Lord. Anyway, this was all after a rough Monday. I was feeling inadequate and unorganized. When it comes to worship leading, I HATE those emotions. After all, this is my major! I should be able to do this with ease, right?

Well, Friday's worship didn't go exactly as planned either. Technical difficulties triumphed over my spirit in BOTH services and I sat down, defeated. Then Steve Moore, our speaker for the week, shared from the Word. Acts 20:22-24 is an absolutely amazing passage that I never really noticed before.

"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Wow. Paul considered his life completely nothing without bringing the gospel to the world. If only I could have such passion. I felt attacked all week...and I finally realized why. Why did the worship not go as planned? Why did I cry at every chapel? Why were my spirits down all week? Because, once again I was leaning on my strength. My life is worth nothing! My talents are worth nothing...unless I use them for my Lord. I was the weakest I had been all year and that's exactly where Papa wanted me. For in my weakness, He has more room to be glorified. When I'm as low as possible, He can get even higher. He was glorified more in my shortcomings and humble checks than any high tech-musically intricate super service I couldn't produced.

God's been calling me out all week. The theme for missions week was "abandon". How fitting. So what if things didn't go as planned. Abandon my expectations and my race for glory for the sake of the cross. Abandon my fears of moving to South Korea. Won't God be there too? Will He not go before me? It's so fitting that the week that required the most spiritually, physically and emotionally was about going to the ends of the earth. Thank you, Lord, for reaffirming my call into missions. It's a scary one, but I'm ready.

Steve said some pretty amazing things this week. Here are some that struck me the most:

"Live on purpose" (yeah, sounds cliche but think about it...)

"We need to abandon the thought life that says: if it's something I like, God will call me to it. If it's hard, God won't ask"

"Clarity about the task doesn't remove uncertainty about the results."

"Uncertainty breed passivity"

"The most important thing about you is what comes to your mind when you think about God"(that's good ole' A.W. Tozer)

...and...

"Suburbia is sucking the life out of us more than any third world country could."


...amen and amen.

Academia...or lack there of

I've tried to check out. I have done everything in my power to do homework for the sake of getting it done and give lackluster performances in my classes this semester. After all, I already have a job. I'm already accepted into seminary. I have 3 months of college left in my entire life. Why shouldn't I be lazy when it comes to academics?

Because that's not me, that's why. I am a perfectionist (both good and bad). I hate it that I can't leave a room knowing that something is grossly out of place. I don't like that I walk around my townhouse picking even little lint specks off of the floor. I can't turn in a paper late...ever. It's just not in my nature to slop words together on a page and turn it in. I can't use all my skips in a class just because I can. Being a perfectionist in the second semester of my senior year is...difficult.

But it's not just that I'm a perfectionist. I see school work as an act of worship. The Lord was gracious enough to allow me to come to IWU. He has miraculously provided the funds to study here under some of the greatest minds I have ever encountered. Slacking off, even in my last semester just doesn't seem like worship of our Lord.

I want to live every moment to its fullest. I want to soak up as much of my friends as possible. I want to take advantage of the spiritual atmosphere here. I want to be able to randomly go to Kokomo at midnight to satisfy Bekah's IHOP craving. But I also want to leaving knowing that I did my best and gave my all...freshman or senior.